EMMY AWARDS reactions, rambled Larry King-style....

....Was that Glenn Close or Sarah Jessica Parker? And can anyone tell them apart anymore?....Rainn Wilson lost, while Chandra Wilson (no relation) was nominated for two Emmys for two different projects (hog!)....I liked the Best Miniseries winners this year better than last year because Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange wore funnier Colonial wigs than Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney....Good for NPH, I've enjoyed NPH ever since his bit roles in UNDERCOVER BROTHER and the HAROLD & KUMAR movies....Why is the whole world in lockstep gushing over THE DAILY SHOW (it's 9th Emmy!!) and FAMILY GUY, two shows I need to be tied down to the chair, werewolf-style, in order to sit through more than 5 minutes of them?....Giving 30 ROCK the awards was lazy, great show, bad season, shoulda all gone to THE OFFICE instead, season 5 was probably its best one yet...As soon as the characters from FAMILY GUY open their mouths with their lousy, unsubtle voices, it reminds me of high school, where you'd punch the nerds when they quoted HOLY GRAIL....How many CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION shows are there now? Haven't they run out of major cities?....I just read online that THE WIRE never won an Emmy when it was on the air (et tu, SOPRANOS?), now THAT'S a crime CSI: BALTIMORE should look into...All of the winning TV writers seemed gay until they opened their mouths and thanked their wives and children...What's with the split screens and overheard command center conversation going in and out of commercials? Is this supposed to make me feel like an insider? It only makes me feel like I'm working on the broadcast and my boss is yelling at me?....When they showed all of the celebrities who died in the past year, they forgot to include CAPTAIN AMERICA. Oops, that's comics, sorry...Here's your moment of zen, Jon Stewart fans: THE DAILY SHOW just won its 9th Emmy and THE MUNSTERS never won one. Now who is more memorable, Jon Stewart or Herman Munster?....Remind me again why FAMILY GUY is funny?....When is Rainn Wilson gonna get his Emmy, scratch that, let him host the Emmys next year. OK, two sniffles, a buttermilk pancake, and I'm out. Quack, quack!



Barrymore at last night's Emmy Awards: "A spot of tea while I clean off your musket, General Washington?"

IT'S FRIDAY! Here's Your Weekly Comic: GREENBLATT THE GREAT!

Click on image to enlarge....

A Dumb Interview With a Short, Bald Executive

Here is a great glimpse into why our movies have become so big and dumb.

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118008797.html?categoryid=1009&cs=1

This guy thinks he's a visionary, but if the studios invested this kind of energy into developing movies with great scripts instead of into a gimmick from 1953, maybe there'd be five movies worthy of Best Picture Oscar consideration every year (good luck finding 10 to fill that category this year, I say!)

And speaking of baldies, here comes.....GREENBLATT THE GREAT!

BLACKGUARD #2 comics anthology comes out in 2 weeks! Includes GREENBLATT THE GREAT!

One of the most prestigious comic book anthologies in Australia is called BLACKGUARD.

Issue #2 is the "Father" issue and I happen to have a few father-themed GREENBLATT THE GREAT! strips in it.

Issue #1 was a hoot, a mix of styles, and even the long lost Mike Diana had a few wild strips in it. Remember that guy, he was single-handedly shutting down comic book shops with his crazy content!

Look, I'm not gonna bullshit you, friends, these are tough times to be a battlin' independent cartoonist. The comic book industry has a monopoly going on when it comes to distribution, and with this new Disney/Marvel marriage from Bald Mountain (or wherever that demon in FANTASIA came from), there's a good chance that the one and only distributor will go under.

So if you want to get some quality comics, you gotta root out these books and cough up the dough. Point blank! Thanks to the Internet (yeah, thanks a lot, Internet!), people expect to get everything these days for free. But if you want some quality, you gotta part with some dough and support some artists once in a while.

Do you honestly think your favorite artists and musicians and moviemakers are gonna get paid if you don't patronize their art or just download it for free? Well, the Internet is sure as hell is not gonna pay anyone. In fact, it's obliterating entire industries as we speak!

"Hey, guess what everybody? They created the Internet and forgot to monetize it! OOPS!"

OK, I gotta put on my helmet and make like Super Dave Osbourne as I go out there and fight the good war in bringing you the funny! But I hope you get the gist of my sales pitch here. I don't have enough freebies to go around, and Stuart Stratu needs your help. So be a supporter of the Australian arts and pick up Stratu's BLACKGUARD comics. All the ordering info is at http://blackguard23.livejournal.com/

Namaste,

Michael "Soap Boxer" Aushenker

THE PUSH-BACK: BACK ISSUE! # 36 delayed until 9/23

Word comes down that the new issue of BACK ISSUE! ----the MONSTERS issue ---- comes out next week instead of this, and it's an issue you won't want to miss!



DIG IT! I've got 3 articles going on in this edition, and I'm proud of all three:

DIG IT! STRANGE TALES FEATURING THE GOLEM!

DIG IT! DOCTOR THIRTEEN of THE PHANTOM STRANGER fame!

DIG IT! A behind-the-scenes pictorial DINNER WITH THE DeZUNIGAS -- as in TONY DEZUNIGA, co-creator of JONAH HEX, featuring yours truly and Mr. CRYING MACHO MAN himself, cartoonist JOSE CABRERA! We came, we joked, we ate...a LOT! That was one wild din-din with a master artist who will, in fact, be painting an upcoming BI cover.

DIG IT! EARL NOREM vintage cover pitting WEREWOLF BY NIGHT vs. MORBIUS THE LIVING VAMPIRE...(just like in that WBN ANNUAL where they fought at the La Brea Tar Pits).

DIG IT! It's out in less than a week!

Grease for peace,

Michael

Comedy 101: Pinocchio is funny!

There's something flat-out hilarious about anything to do with Pinocchio. Is it because he's a little wooden boy in short pants? Is it that nose that grows when he lies? Or the fact that he is such a staple in Italian literature? Who knows for sure, but Pinocchio is comedy gold!



Remember McLovin in SUPERBAD? The funniest line in the movie was a Pinocchio joke about his vest.



When in Burbank, it's fun to eat at Pinocchio's Restaurant, which is adorned with strange wooden boy murals on the outside and strange Gothic oil paintings of Gepetto creating Pinocchio out of a block of wood on the inside.



Wasn't BICENTENNIAL MAN kind of a Pinocchio story? (although that film was definitely NOT funny! Cheez, Louise!)

Now how about a Pinocchio nightcap of strange straight from the archival vaults? (thanks to Sam H. for these images):









End of lesson.

Next week's Comedy 101 lesson: Rumplestiltksin.

I love how Ditko went from that....to THIS!

There's no limit to the feline characters in Ditko's world. Think he cares what you think about that? Guess again!

Ditko straight up does what he pleases!